About six months since I have officially been divorced, and 10 months since I discovered my ex-wife’s affair (who she’s now dating…) I continue to have nightmares and deal with triggers. There is still this rage I have for my ex-wife’s affair partner that just doesn’t go away, regardless of the advice I receive or what we discuss in therapy.
This was something a different therapist told another husband who’s wife had an affair.
I had a session with my therapist today which was quite helpful. The therapist walked me through why vengeance is a self-destructive path. I told him about how emasculating it was to do nothing, and he compared me to Batman. The therapist said that one of the reasons Batman is a hero is because of what he DOESN’T do; how he chooses NOT to kill. He said that me choosing to do nothing was a sign of strength not weakness, and that it was a very empowering.
I was able to redirect me feeling bad because of the Affair Partner, to me respecting myself while feeling bad FOR my wife’s Affair Partner. Feeling bad for what he is, what he represents, the depths he’s steeped to…