We take such a hit to our self-esteem, and question what it was about the other Affair Partner that was so attractive to our Wayward Spouse? Why did they get the best parts, when we were left with the worst? The truth is, that is not how this works. They are not more attractive. They do not get the best parts. What is attractive about the Affair Partner is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure Wayward Spouse, wanting to feel strong and powerful, wanting to feel needed, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as they want nothing to do with a married woman/man. Our Wayward Spouses, needy and looking for someone to boost their egos, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to them, someone who will make them feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch?
The fact is … they always trade down. If they happen to be prettier, or thinner, bigger, stronger, younger – it’s just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. What’s inside, is no match for you. You’re beautiful, and faithful, strong and the father/mother of his/her children. The truth is, the Affair Partner could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little our Wayward Spouses had to offer. They accept the very worst parts of our Wayward Spouse; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken woman/man. Their behavior is lower than low, but that’s okay with the Affair Partner. They accept trashy behavior because they are trash. They have no self-esteem because they know their value … their value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. They accept his/her cheating ways and lowlife behavior because they know their place in the pack – and it’s at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, it’s just a matter of time before someone singles them out, and uses them for their own selfish reasons in their quest to be admired.
So what happens when we catch them? Most often they leave them where they found them, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack – even weaker and more injured than when they found them. They’re worse for the wear. Trust me, it is their self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, they weren’t able to keep them even considering they were in a “loveless, sexless” marriage to a cold person” A “woman he said didn’t show him love because she was too busy looking after the family he was meant to be a part of.” A man that worked hard to provide & protect the family she was meant to be a part of” Because isn’t that the way it always is? How pathetic that they have given the answer to the test, gave it their all, and they still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101. Or maybe they stay in the fog playing in la la land with “unicorns & rainbows” till the next shiny toy turns up.
Betrayal hurts, I know. Boy, do I know. But remember, when they find someone weak enough to have an affair with, they always affair down. Retake your position at the front of the pack because you are all Kings & Queens, know your worth, you are stronger than you think you are.
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