My ex left me seven months ago for his Affair Partner. I really never saw it coming and I was broken. It has been a journey into healing but also learning from my mistakes and never giving myself to a potential cheater.
My dad cheated on my mom when I was 7 years old. They were divorced but he came crawling back 2 years later and my mother took him back. He never cheated again (as far as we know) but I realized he still has the cheating mentality and all it will take is a young dumb and desperate girl to come after him and he will do it again.
My dad is faithful because lack of options. My ex was as well and I mistook it for being faithful. All it took was one desperate enough girl and he left.
These are the people who tell you, “If you are in love with someone else, you should leave instead of cheat.” This sounds right but there is a major issue with this thinking. What about the existing relationship? It wasn’t bad enough to leave when you didn’t have a back up, so it is okay to just “upgrade?”
This shows a level of selfishness, the heart wants what is wants and it doesn’t matter how many people get destroyed for me to get what I want.
The reality of long term relationships is that you will have feelings for others. The world is full of sexy people who would be attracted to you. You need to nip those feelings in the bud. In my case I understood these feelings were just a moment. I played the scenario in my head, breaking my husbands heart, starting a life with the new guy and finding myself in the same situation within a few years trapping myself in always starting and stopping, never building something real and having a future.
It is like getting a puppy. Once the puppy grows up you start seeing other puppies and think, “wow they make me feel so much. My own dog is not that cute anymore. I am sorry, but I am out of love with my dog and am leaving my dog and getting a new puppy.” Rinse and repeat.
When it comes to dating I want people who agree that relationships are work. That commitment is not feeding those feelings, understanding that puppy love is addictive, but in the end just a phase. If you live your live with an eye on the door and think, “what-if I could do better,” you are always at risk. Find people who are willing to be grateful with what they have. Understand that there are so many people they you could have great connections with, but that they choose one person to build your future with.
There is only one good reason to end a relationship. You are unhappy. If it is not working then go. Other people have no place in that process. If you think leaving for another is ok then you are selfish. You are either unwilling to be alone and use people as placeholder (a major dick move) or you are addicted to that puppy love.
So ask all of your dates if they think leaving for being in love is ok. They will show you their thinking…
Good luck!