Your partner tells the outside person things that they don’t even tell you. They’re more irritable toward you after connecting with the outside person. They have a hard time tolerating brief periods of frustration, loneliness, or emotional discomfort within your relationship. They often/always turn to the outside person for comfort when you’re unavailable. They seem to connect with the outside person more often after unresolved conflicts with you. They’ve been increasing the frequency of connection with the outside person. They drop hints that they wish you were more like the outside person. There are gift exchanges between them and the outside person. They try to prevent you from seeing texts or emails on their phone, laptop, etc.
They compare your emotional capacity to the outside person’s emotional capacity. They seem more detached from you after connecting with the outside person. They want a lot less sex. They want a lot more sex but seem detached during sex with you. They act differently when talking about the outside person. They’ve stopped expressing their needs. They’ve stopped communicating with you about deeper issues. The relationship with this outside person acts as an “exit” from connection with you. They seem to have given up on facing and resolving issues with you. They use inappropriate terms of endearment with the outside person, such as “love you,” “miss you,” “baby,” “sweetheart,” “honey,” etc. They minimize, deny, or mock your complaints about the outside person. They get reactive, judge you, or emotionally distance from you when you request, they create stronger boundaries with the outside person. They tell you you’re too sensitive about their relationship with the outside person. No single item on this list means your partner is emotionally cheating. But if you’re noticing that multiple items on this list are at play, it could be a sign that there’s a degree of emotional cheating occurring.