1. Intrusive and Recurrent Images and Thoughts.
These images may be real, e.g., when you first saw your spouse with someone else or an image of your partner’s face when you confronted them. They may also be imagined, e.g., images you conjure in your mind about them being together.
2. Intense Reactions to Cues.
A cue is anything that reminds you of the affair. You might drive by a place your spouse and the affair partner used to meet. It could be a piece of clothing your spouse was wearing when you saw them together. A particular day of the week or time of day may trigger free-floating anxiety.
3. Efforts to Avoid Cues.
You might drive ten miles out of your way to avoid a location that reminds you of the affair. You might get rid of clothing that triggers memories. Perhaps you learned that a close friend knew about the affair and did not tell you. You will, as a result, avoid contact with that friend.
4. Changes in Mood.
You feel numb and detached from people you care about. You feel depressed and lack energy. You have lost interest in activities that you used to find pleasurable. Sadness might turn into irritability or even bursts of rage with little warning.
5. Hypervigilance.
An affair shatters your sense of safety in the world. You’re sensitive to the slightest sign that you’re in danger again. You need to know where your partner is at all times. If they look at their phone, you become suspicious. An unanswered phone call or text can bring on extreme anxiety, even a panic attack.
6. Looking Back.
You keep coming back to the same questions you already asked your spouse. You recall encounters that appeared normal and natural at the time, but look different when the spotlight of infidelity is shined on them. As humans, we try to make sense of our experiences. You question how you could have missed the signs. You blame yourself for being stupid and foolish.