Being put aside for a new partner is murder on your self-esteem. Are you not funny enough, skinny enough, beautiful enough, sexy enough, sweet enough, smart enough? Let go of these ideas. You were the love of his life for so long. You were great. However, you are just one person. You will never be another person. Yes, you can grow and improve, but you are still “just” you. The only thing the other woman has is, she is not you. That is it. She has the new car smell.
Also, there are some things you need to consider about this type of woman. The type that actively seduces married men can’t be taken as a prime example of a trustworthy and well-adjusted person. It reeks of underlying issues to me. When your husband chose you many years ago, he chooses you.
From all the women that were in his surroundings. You had 100’s of nameless, faceless competitors. In the sea of possibilities, he chose you. Now the women who go for married man they make it easy on themselves (well short term anyway). They only have one competitor. She just has to learn your shortcomings your husband struggles with and she can pretend to be this opposite. This inverted version of you. When he chooses her, he goes for somebody who is portraying a fantasy. An escape out of the boring daily dread. That is, it. He is not choosing her above you.
You will also often notice that men affair down. So, don’t kill yourself with asking how he can possibly think she is better than you. She is not. If she was, she would have found a free man ages ago to have her own precious relationship. If she was so amazing, she wouldn’t have to target married man. Now this will sound super crazy, but you should pity her. Now she has snatched her price, she needs to maintain this fantasy she created. She can never be her true self and has to perpetuate this inverted version of you, inadvertently keeping you part of the relationship forever. She has to remember you as to never become you. Next to that she has to stand in your shadow, face his family members who loved you to pieces and are missing you. She will have to go up against 13 years of memories and precious moments shared. Important life changing moments like weddings, births, funerals that you were a part of. A plethora of pictures in family albums where you are beaming as a beloved part of that family.
Cheaters usually don’t end up happy together. In 17% of the cases it results in a long-term relationship. 50% of the people who initiate a divorce (especially those who leave for another partner) regret the divorce. You do the math. Also think about the fact she diminished her price by winning it. She now has a man that she groomed herself to be open to cheating. A person who abused the trust of his partner whose only crime was loving him unconditionally for 13 years: is that a bell that can be un-rung?
I’m not sure.