Get it – Own your $hit – Do the work
When I first started down my road to recovery from my affair. When my Betrayed Husband would say just own your shit, you don’t get it, you aren’t doing the work. I didn’t know what that meant. I was going on my own instincts … but my own instincts and decisions got me to where I was. My own choices, I had the affair.
I didn’t understand how to get it. I didn’t know what “getting it” meant. But once I gave up on my own instincts and gave into the advice I was seeking out, I was able to “get it.” I read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda MacDonald. I’m embarrassed to say but I had to read this book a few times to really “get it.” It is a short read but so meaningful. My copy is full of notes and underlining the parts that I need remember.
Owning your shit. For me this was a process of learning to see myself in the most humble view. Once I saw myself for what I really am I finally was able to own my shit. I’m responsible for the pain my Betrayed Husband is experiencing. No one else. I made the choice to betray my Betrayed Husband, I had to accept that. I had to listen to all the feelings and thoughts I made my Betrayed Husband have. I needed to see myself from his eyes. I had a hard time with this but I get it now. I own the shit I have caused.
Do the work. Yes there is work, lots of soul searching, reading, journaling, talking. Changing your core character is not accomplished overnight. And not everyone will have the same way to do the work. Even if reconciliation is not in your future you still should do the work. Find out your whys your how’s and do the work to change your core character.
I’m looking at divorce because I wasn’t able to pull my head out of my ass and get my shit together. I was pretending life was happy but it wasn’t. Please read and read … do the work … accept the advice that is given. I’m not an expert, I’m just a woman who is struggling to save her marriage.
I’m actively living a “confessional lifestyle” I do have confidence I will not betray my Betrayed Husband again. I will continue to try to build truth through consistency and actions. No matter what my future brings with my Betrayed Husband I will work to build trust and become a better woman.
All my actions I’m taking now are all done too late. I’m very realistic about the situation I’m in. But I also have to be resilient.