My ex-wife’s affair was used as an example of regret vs remorse and the chances of reconciliation. For me, my ex-wife did none of these, and when I would ask her to delete her Facebook there was always an excuse, or when I asked for a timeline she wouldn’t provide it. Even when she did provide information it was a truth trickle and she liked Turns out that she lied about most of her affair, including who reached out first, when it started, etc. I’ll never forget most of these, but one thing we talked about in our group session was that my ex wife’s mom had told her, “You owe him that conservation,” but at no point did my ex come clean on her affair. She said things like, “It would have to be like we’re dating again,” which I didn’t understand at the time, but it was because she had been having her affair for 18+ months at that time…
She didn’t come clean to you and you had to find out. That means that she doesn’t regret what she did, only that she got caught. Even when you found out, she didn’t own up what she did, didn’t confess until you cornered her with all the evidence. She doesn’t think that she did anything wrong. The only thing she did wrong in her eyes was, to not hide her affair better.
Even after you caught her, she still keeps on lying to you, telling you that she can’t remember how she masturbated to the texts and pictures of the guy. You know the truth, she knows exactly what she did and what they wrote to each other because she loved every moment of it. Your wife doesn’t respect you and even until now she is making repeated decisions for her affair and against your marriage. Now comes the hard part and I want you to read the next sentence three times. IF YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU MUST BE WILLED TO LOSE IT.
If she wants to save this marriage, then she has to do the following things: She has to create a timeline of her affair and write down everything. When it started, what they wrote to each other, if they talked about you and what they said, what pictures she send him and so on. Tell her that this is her only chance, if you find out that she lied about one thing or left one thing out, then it is over. She has to delete ALL her social media profiles and apps on her phone. That will be permanent. She can’t go back to the place that she used to cheat on you. The Affair Partner will be cut out of her life. If it is a coworker, then she has to quit her job and find a new one. She also has to go to a doctor, get tested for STDs and show you the results.Keep this in mind. The best apology is a changed behavior.
Don’t look at what she says, only look at what she does!