One of the things my ex-wife did was keep in contact with a number of ex boyfriends. I remember one, a man named “James Thomas,” who was an ex-boyfriend and one of the last guests at our wedding. I don’t remember what he looked like, but what I do remember were some of the questions he asked me, all about Sports and sports trivia. He would quiz me with questions like, “What was the record for RBI’s in a season?” I’ll never forget him asking me that, or his response when I answered without hesitation.
Looking back, I was telling my therapist about my ex-wife keeping in contact with a number of ex-boyfriends. I’ll also never forget her talking to her ex while I was sitting at the table in our apartment.
I was recalling this story with a couple and our therapist said, “From what you’re describing she fits the criteria for being on the spectrum of narcissistic disorder. Narcissists view their partners in term of narcissistic supply. I.e. what you can provide to met their needs. They don’t see you as a human being with your own needs/wants and more important: Feelings.”
This was what struck me as being 100% true. “They also put their former partners in the back burner, and they “revisit” them in a process called “hoovering.” Basically, whenever their current supply can’t provide what they need, they go and check out on previous sources of supply to see if they can extract from it.”
Once you understand their behavior, you can predict their actions and prevent the usual mindfuck.