Still all those cheaters and Affair Partner’s hide behind “you didn’t listen/have sex/be kind enough”. That is not how any of this works. They don’t understand that in an affair you focus on each other in an unsustainable way. It is focus on sex and the “relationship”. This focus ends once you see each other every day, there are bills to pay, kids to raise, etc.
It takes effort and time to keep an eye on each other.
In Affairs, each person will feel the limerence and the dopamine high and think their relationship is so much better. For example, the paint of a car hiding in a garage is not going to get damaged, but the paint on a car driving each day in the sun will.