You left for “greener” pastures. That I was the perfect wife was not enough. You said it yourself, I was perfect but you deserved even more. The sentence still haunts me, how it dripped with entitlement.
You never told me you were unhappy. You say you regret that in hindsight, but assured me that you were in fact the most miserable person in the world, trapped in a marriage you didn’t want and I was the unknowing warden. Hurting me was too hard so you lied up until the last possible minute, telling me how I was the love of your life, that we were special and we would weather any storm. I never understood how you couldn’t see that the actual truth was less awful than your sad little lie.
The truth darling? You were unhappy. You were unhappy in a perfect marriage, with a great wife who was doing anything in her power to make you happy while also living a full life for herself. You were unhappy in the big house you wanted, unhappy with the great trips and night outs you needed. You were unsatisfied with the sex life you yourself never wanted to change. You were unhappy in a dream life that only few can have. You are a miserable person.
You are empty and looking outside to fill your gap. I did it for so many years. You set the bar for me and when I got there you just raised it and saw me as a failure. You raised the bar and I rose up to meet it every single time, until one day you set the bar where I couldn’t go. I can’t be somebody new. However amazing I am, I can’t be your coworker. I can’t look at you with new eyes, I can’t tell you new stories about myself, I can’t show you a new body.
You decided that was the bar. You knew I couldn’t clear that one. You decided that all your unhappiness was in fact down to one person, me. You loaded all your bad times on my back and trashed them together with me. Finally you can be happy, finally you found that super special woman that will make everything right. Free from that person who is the root cause of all your issues. Clean slate, new man!
You are happy now! Somebody sees you with new eyes. She hasn’t learned to love your negative points yet, but she hasn’t seen them has she? You can pretend to be what you are not, a happy go lucky guy, grateful and open to a world of possibilities. She is new and sexy and it is all so exciting. Your brains flooded with dopamine and all the yummy stuff! High on biological drugs. Ah how life is grand!
No matter how happy you are now, how destroyed I was, and how you messed up my life’s hopes and dreams… I am the winner here. You have learned nothing. You still drip with entitlement and your Affair Partner is going to meet the cynical, never happy, never content grump-fest that you really are. I wonder if she has the resilience to deal with that, and the eternal optimism to survive that without getting sucked into your darkness.
I on the other hand was set free from the anchor that you are. I have learned so much about myself and I have grown. I am still a woman who can deal with your darkness only I realized I don’t want to and I don’t have to. I see my own value and I have turned that amazing love that was so clearly wasted on you inwards. My life is objectively worse than the life I build with you, but I feel so much more happy.
Because the truth is darling? you are still unhappy. Unhappy with a new person who is obsessed with you, unhappy with a new body between the sheets, unhappy with a life free of any real commitment, unhappy with all the cars you can buy now living back at home.
You have gained nothing, you have learned nothing. Forever miserable, even if you feel on top of the world now. I recon any addict feels like that right after they shot up. But you again won’t love yourself, you will again never be satisfied and you will forever blame everybody around you for their failures of making you happy. You go through life never seeing the blessings you have.
I feel so sad for you now.
One day the reality will hit you that I got you the closest to happiness you ever been… and you will never get that back… because you kept me away from happiness, you will never get to tie me down again. I will never take on another anchor !